You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.
The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.
This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.
an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)
HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.
Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.
Printing this out on flyers and dropping it from the sky
“So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.”
If someone could scream this from the rooftops for me, I’d be most appreciative.
books (by secret_life_of_bee)
I need feminism because most men’s restrooms still aren’t equipped with baby changing stations. As someone who was married to a man who had sole custody of his young son, I’m hyperaware that feminism means EQUALITY, not female superiority. Feminism should and does support a man’s right to be as much of a parent to his child(ren) as any mother is allowed/expected to be.
This is a constant problem for Mr. Tea and myself. We’ve got twins, so even though I can change one kid on the change table in the ladies’ room, he’s left standing sort of awkwardly in the lobby with a messy child while I change one, come back, and get the other.
Nobody’s suggesting that men aren’t parents, so the lack of change tables goes well beyond ‘gender role reinforcing’ and straight into ‘ridiculous’.
My dad actually almost got kicked out of a mall once for changing my brother in the womens room of a mall. The only reason they didn’t call the cops on him was because the ladies in the room supported him.
this retailer sells a halal nail polish. this allows for oxygen and water to go through the nail, which makes it acceptable to wear during prayer. spread the word.
“Being a relatively modern creation, nail polish remains obviously unaddressed by early Islamic sources. But the general consensus in the Islamic community is that praying with nail polish is impermissible because of the waterproof barrier it creates on nails, which prevents the wudu ritual from being completed five times a day.” (source)
For any Muslim followers.
DON’T ACTUALLY USE THIS FOR THE SAKE OF WATER PERMEABILITY. IT’S NOT VERY EFFECTIVE.
It’s only water vapor permeable, and it’s not at all water permeable when you apply multiple coats, a top coat, or a base coat.
You should use the Tuesday In Love water-permeable brands instead! They’re completely water permeable and come in a whole ton of colors!
Here’s a test that a sister did comparing the Inglot brand and the Tuesday In Love brand on a paper towel so you can see for yourself.
please please please spread this around, I would hate for a lot of sisters to have their prayers invalidated because of something like this.
d’you think the avengers ever play a game where they try to push steve’s buttons and get him all riled up and patriotic?
tony casually throws it into a conversation like “oh yeah I don’t vote” and steve trails off mid-sentence and gapes for a second before he starts in on…
The truth is, you couldn’t kill me.
Lagertha | Vikings, 2.08 Boneless